Sex Over 60: Positions, Positions
Where is it written that we can no longer have intense, wild sex as we get older? If passion is the name of your game, don’t let a number be the thing that throws you off it.
That said, every part of your body likely doesn’t work or feel quite the same way it did when you were younger, so you shouldn’t expect or try to make your sex life the same, either. And let’s emphasize: we’re talking about your sex life changing, not diminishing. A lifetime of experience—and years of shared intimacy for long-term couples—can lead you to intensely passionate sex. You may just want to keep a few concepts and positions in mind.
Many over 60 prefer sexual positions that ease the pressure on their joints and shift focus to mutual satisfaction and away from intense physical stamina. Below are five fantastic positions for sex over 60, along with some options for toys and aids. Remember: sex toys are not just for the young! They are fun tools that can enhance the pleasure and satisfaction for all partners.
This is an ideal position for many senior partners. If you experience pain or difficulty standing for long periods or leaning backward, then the flexion of this position may bring some relief to your back and your hips. Spooning is perfect for intimate sex that doesn’t require aggressive movement of the lower back and hips.
• Since spooning sex lends itself to a gradually building climax, using a toy that stimulates and heightens sensation can be a lot of fun. Consider trying a cock ring, anal beads, or nipple clips. Our team's recommendations are below, try some or all of them today!
Modified Doggie Style
This classic can be adapted to lessen the pressure and agility needed to perform it. To modify this position, have the receiving partner kneel in front of the bed, with a pillow beneath their knees and their belly and chest pressed firmly into the bed. This will ease the pressure on their hips and back, and makes use of the bed for stability. You can also place a pillow underneath the forehead for additional support.
• Using a doggie-style strap allows you to use your arms, more than your hips, to create the thrusting motion. If this modified position creates too much pressure on either partner’s knees, try the next three positions.
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Both partners should lie down on their backs, nestled closely side-by-side. Then, the receiving partner should throw one leg over their partner’s and position themselves at an angle that allows for entry. This position takes a lot of stress off of the lower back and shoulders.
• If you find it difficult to keep your leg or foot in one position, consider cuffs and a tether to help keep your leg secure and stable.
The Hot Seat
We mentioned this position as an excellent option for wheelchair sex because it allows for deeper penetration while using the chair for stability and comfort. You should sit in the chair, with your back flush against the backrest for support, and have your partner sit on your lap, with their legs and feet over yours. Your partner can use the armrests for stability and control the angle, speed, and depth of your sex. Any chair or seat in your home with a firm base and a straight back can be used for this position.
• If you want to add in a toy, we suggest a bondage kit, which comes with soft restraints and a blindfold. Some couples enjoy the thrill of blindfolding and tying one partner to the chair while the other controls everything they feel.
If you have joint pain or osteoporosis, sex that requires you to squat your knees or be on all fours can be painful. Standing sex eases stress on the knees and back. Try standing with your back to your partner, and your upper body supported by leaning against a wall or a ledge (a kitchen or bathroom counter with a pillow for your elbows can provide a lot of support). Your partner can enter you from behind while reaching ahead to use the same ledge or wall for support.
.• A suction handle is a wonderful aid for standing sex, both in and out of the shower. You can attach the handle to the wall or ledge you and your partner are using for an extra secure support system.
Sex with Back Pain
Back pain—particularly lower back pain—and back stiffness is common in adults in their 60s and 70s. And even those blessed to live pain-free can commonly report a diminished limberness in their back, shoulders, and neck. Fortunately, we have already covered this topic with the Best Positions and Toys for Sex with Back Pain and Injury.
Intercourse and Beyond
When we think about and discuss sex, the focus is often on intercourse itself. And yet as we grow older, natural changes to the body can pose challenges to intercourse. After menopause, many women find that they do not naturally lubricate as much as before. Similarly, up to 60% of men in their 60s experience problems with erectile dysfunction. But challenges are not foregone conclusions.As we said when discussing sex with paralysis and sex as a quadriplegic, there are a number of potential solutions to issues with erection or lubrication. For men who can become aroused but have difficulty keeping the erection, a cock ring or harness with a cock ring are both inexpensive ways to boost your confidence in the strength and sustainability of your orgasm. Prescription medications are effective for some men, and your local health supply store is likely to offer a variety of over-the-counter remedies promising more vigor in your erection. Meanwhile, lube is easy to buy and will become your best friend if you notice a change in your level of lubrication. Some women report increased vaginal sensitivity after menopause, so it’s especially important to make sure that you and your partner are prepared with lubricant.
That said, we don’t have to center sex so exclusively on the act of intercourse
Some senior men will experience limited benefits from erectile interventions and some women over 60 report intense pain associated with intercourse. At first, it’s probably going to be difficult to think about sex differently than you have most of your life. That’s okay—give yourself the time to adjust, but keep in mind that there’s (most definitely!) more than one way to have great sex. It’s worth remembering that only a small percentage of women—25%—report consistent orgasms from intercourse. You can view this as an opportunity to focus on other kinds of touching and pleasure. For example:
Massages release endorphins, relaxes muscles and can be deeply intimate and erotic. Using a finger massage kit, in or out of the shower, will heighten the stimulation your partner feels and can be very easily combined with oral sex.
Masturbating with your partner can be an extremely satisfying and fun experience. Some couples like to lie next to one another on the bed while they masturbate, hearing and feeling their partner’s pleasure. Other couples like to watch one another masturbate. And some partners like to help masturbate one another. If you’re experimenting with your partner and masturbation, try incorporating a man sleeve or a silicone vibrator.
Tickling, Flogging, Whipping
You can use these toys to build to different levels of arousal and stimulation. A tickler will let you playfully explore your partner’s body with light sensations. A whip, flogger, or paddle are perfect if you and your partner want to play with the line between pleasure and pain.