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advocate – 1 noun : a person who actively works to end intolerance, educate others, and support social equity for a marginalized group. 2 verb to actively support/plea in favor of a particular cause, the action of working to end intolerance, educate others, etc.

agender – adj. : a person with no (or very little) connection to the traditional system of gender, no personal alignment with the concepts of either man or woman, and/or someone who sees themselves as existing without gender. Sometimes called gender neutrois, gender-neutral, or genderless.

ally /“al-lie”/ – noun : a (typically straight and/or cisgender) person who supports and respects members of the LGBTQ community.  We consider people to be active allies who take action on in support and respect.

• “Coming out” as an ally is when you reveal (or take an action that reveals) your support of the LGBTQ community. Being an active supporter can, at times, be stigmatizing, though it is not usually recognized, many allies go through a “coming out process” of their own.

androgyny/ous /“an-jrah-jun-ee”; “an-jrah-jun-uss”/ – adj. : 1 a gender expression that has elements of both masculinity and femininity; 2 occasionally used in place of “intersex” to describe a person with both female and male anatomy.

androsexual / androphilic – adj. : being primarily sexually, romantically and/or emotionally attracted to some men, males, and/or masculinity.

aromantic – adj. : experiencing little or no romantic attraction to others and/or has a lack of interest in romantic relationships/behavior. Aromanticism exists on a continuum from people who experience no romantic attraction or have any desire for romantic activities, to those who experience low levels, or romantic attraction only under specific conditions, and many of these different places on the continuum have their own identity labels (see demiromantic). Sometimes abbreviated to “aro” (pronounced like “arrow”).

asexual – adj. : experiencing little or no sexual attraction to others and/or a lack of interest in sexual relationships/behavior.  Asexuality exists on a continuum from people who experience no sexual attraction or have any desire for sex, to those who experience low levels, or sexual attraction only under specific conditions, and many of these different places on the continuum have their own identity labels (see demisexual). Sometimes abbreviated to “ace.”

• Asexuality is different from celibacy in that it is a sexual orientation whereas celibacy is an abstaining from a certain action.
• Not all asexual people are aromantic.

bigender – adj. : a person who fluctuates between traditionally “woman” and “man” gender-based behavior and identities, identifying with both genders (and sometimes a third gender).

bicurious – adj. : a curiosity about having attraction to people of the same gender/sex (similar to questioning).

biological sex – noun : a medical term used to refer to the chromosomal, hormonal and anatomical characteristics that are used to classify an individual as female or male or intersex. Often referred to as simply “sex,” “physical sex,” “anatomical sex,” or specifically as “sex assigned at birth.”

• Often seen as a binary but as there are many combinations of chromosomes, hormones, and primary/secondary sex characteristics, it’s more accurate to view this as a spectrum (which is more inclusive of intersex people as well as trans*-identified people).* – Is commonly conflated with gender.

biphobia – noun : a range of negative attitudes (e.g., fear, anger, intolerance, invisibility, resentment, erasure, or discomfort) that one may have or express towards bisexual individuals. Biphobia can come from and be seen within the LGBTQ community as well as straight society. Biphobic – adj. : a word used to describe an individual who harbors some elements of this range of negative attitudes towards bisexual people.

• Example of bi-invisibility and bi-erasure would be the assumption that any man in a relationship with a woman is straight or anyone dating someone of the same gender means you’re gay. In neither case do we assume anyone could be bisexual.
• Really important to recognize that many of our “stereotypes” of bisexual people – they’re overly sexual, greedy, it’s just a phase – have harmful and stigmatizing effects (and that gay, straight, and many other queer individuals harbor these beliefs too).

bisexual – adj. : 1 a person who is emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to males/men and females/women. 2 a person who is emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to people of their gender and another gender . This attraction does not have to be equally split or indicate a level of interest that is the same across the genders or sexes an individual may be attracted to.

• Can simply be shortened to “bi.”
• Many people who recognize the limitations of a binary understanding of gender may still use the word bisexual as their sexual orientation label, this is often because many people are familiar with the term bisexual (while less are familiar to the term pansexual).

butch – noun & adj. a person who identifies themselves as masculine, whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally. ‘Butch’ is sometimes used as a derogatory term for lesbians, but is also be claimed as an affirmative identity label.

cisgender /“siss-jendur”/ – adj. : a person whose gender identity and biological sex assigned at birth align (e.g., man and assigned male at birth). A simple way to think about it is if a person is not transgender, they are cisgender. The word cisgender can also be shortened to “cis.”

• “Cis” is a latin prefix that means “on the same side [as]” or “on this side [of].”

cissexism – noun : behavior that grants preferential treatment to cisgender people, reinforces the idea that being cisgender is somehow better or more “right” than being transgender, and/or makes other genders invisible.

cisnormativity – noun : the assumption, in individuals or in institutions, that everyone is cisgender, and that cisgender identities are superior to trans* identities or people. Leads to invisibility of non-cisgender identities.

closeted – adj. : an individual who is not open to themselves or others about their (queer) sexuality or gender identity. This may be by choice and/or for other reasons such as fear for one’s safety, peer or family rejection or disapproval and/or loss of housing, job, etc. Also known as being “in the closet.” When someone chooses to break this silence they “come out” of the closet. (See coming out)

coming Out – 1 the process by which one accepts and/or comes to identify one’s own sexuality or gender identity (to “come out” to oneself). 2 The process by which one shares one’s sexuality or gender identity with others (to “come out” to friends, etc.).

• This is a continual, life-long process. Everyday, all the time, one has to evaluate and re-evaluate who they are comfortable coming out to, if it is safe, and what the consequences might be.

constellation – noun : a way to describe the arrangement or structure of a polyamorous relationship.  

cross-dresser – noun : someone who wears clothes of another gender/sex.

demiromantic – adj. : little or no capacity to experience romantic attraction until a strong sexual or emotional connection is formed with another individual, often within a sexual relationship.

demisexual – adj. : little or no capacity to experience sexual attraction until a strong romantic or emotional connection is formed with another individual, often within a romantic relationship.

down low – adj. : typically referring to men who identify as straight but who secretly have sex with men. Down low (or DL) originated in, and is most commonly used by communities of color.

drag king – noun : someone who performs masculinity theatrically.

drag queen – noun : someone who performs femininity theatrically.

dyke – noun : referring to a masculine presenting lesbian. While often used derogatorily, it can is adopted affirmatively by many lesbians (both more masculine and more feminine presenting lesbians  not necessarily masculine ones) as a positive self-identity term.

emotional attraction – noun : a capacity that evokes the want to engage in romantic intimate behavior (e.g., sharing, confiding, trusting, interdepending), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-none, to intense). Often conflated with sexual attraction, romantic attraction, and/or spiritual attraction.

fag(got) – noun : derogatory term referring to a gay person, or someone perceived as queer. Occasionally used as an self-identifying affirming term by some gay men, at times in the shortened form ‘fag’.

feminine-of-center; masculine-of-center – adj. : a word that indicates a range of terms of gender identity and gender presentation for folks who present, understand themselves, and/or relate to others in a more feminine/masculine way, but don’t necessarily identify as women/men.  Feminine-of-center individuals may also identify as femme, submissive, transfeminine, etc.; masculine-of-center individuals may also often identify as butch, stud, aggressive, boi, transmasculine, etc.

feminine-presenting; masculine-presenting – adj. : a way to describe someone who expresses gender in a more feminine/masculine way. Often confused with feminine-of-center/masculine-of-center, which generally include a focus on identity as well as expression.

femme – (noun & adj) someone who identifies themselves as feminine, whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally. Often used to refer to a feminine-presenting queer woman.

fluid(ity) – adj. : generally with another term attached, like gender-fluid or fluid-sexuality, fluid(ity) describes an identity that may change or shift over time between or within the mix of the options available (e.g., man and woman, bi and straight).

FtM / F2M; MtF / M2F – abbreviation : female-to-male transgender or transsexual person; male-to-female transgender or transsexual person.

gay – adj. : : : 1 individuals who are primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the same sex and/or gender. More commonly used when referring to men who are attracted to other men, but can be applied to women as well. 2 An umbrella term used to refer to the queer community as a whole, or as an individual identity label for anyone who does not identify as heterosexual.

• “Gay” is a word that’s had many different meanings throughout time. In the 12th century is meant “happy,” in the 17th century it was more commonly used to mean “immoral” (describing a loose and pleasure-seeking person), and by the 19th it meant a female prostitute (and a “gay man” was a guy who had sex with female prostitutes a lot). It wasn’t until the 20th century that it started to mean what it means today. Interesting, right?

gender binary – noun : the idea that there are only two genders and that every person is one of those two.

gender expression – noun : the external display of one’s gender, through a combination of dress, demeanor, social behavior, and other factors, generally made sense of on scales of masculinity and femininity. Also referred to as “gender presentation.”

gender fluid– adj. : : gender fluid is a gender identity best described as a dynamic mix of boy and girl. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel more man some days, and more woman other days.

gender identity – noun : the internal perception of an one’s gender, and how they label themselves, based on how much they align or don’t align with what they understand their options for gender to be. Common identity labels include man, woman, genderqueer, trans, and more. Often confused with biological sex, or sex assigned at birth.

gender neutrois – adj. : see agender.

gender non-conforming – adj. : 1 a gender expression descriptor that indicates a non-traditional gender presentation (masculine woman or feminine man) 2 a gender identity label that indicates a person who identifies outside of the gender binary. Often abbreviated as “GNC.”

gender normative / gender straight – adj. : someone whose gender presentation, whether by nature or by choice, aligns with society’s gender-based expectations.

genderqueer – adj. : a gender identity label often used by people who do not identify with the binary of man/woman; or as an umbrella term for many gender non-conforming or non-binary identities (e.g., agender, bigender, genderfluid).  

• may combine aspects man and woman and other identities (bigender, pangender);
• not having a gender or identifying with a gender (genderless, agender);
• moving between genders (genderfluid);
• third gender or other-gendered; includes those who do not place a name to their gender having an overlap of, or blurred lines between, gender identity and sexual and romantic orientation.

gender variant – adj. : someone who either by nature or by choice does not conform to gender-based expectations of society (e.g. transgender, transsexual, intersex, gender-queer, cross-dresser, etc).

gynesexual / gynephilic /“guy-nuh-seks-shu-uhl”/ – adj. : being primarily sexually, romantically and/or emotionally attracted to some woman, females, and/or femininity.

heteronormativity – noun : the assumption, in individuals or in institutions, that everyone is heterosexual (e.g. asking a woman if she has a boyfriend) and that heterosexuality is superior to all other sexualities. Leads to invisibility and stigmatizing of other sexualities. Heteronormativity also leads us to assume that only masculine men and feminine women are straight.

hermaphrodite – noun : an outdated medical term previously used to refer to someone who was born with some combination of typically-male and typically-female sex characteristics. It’s considered stigmatizing and inaccurate. See intersex. 

heteronormativity – noun : the assumption, in individuals and/or in institutions, that everyone is heterosexual and that heterosexuality is superior to all other sexualities. Leads to invisibility and stigmatizing of other sexualities: when learning a woman is married, asking her what her husband’s name is. Heteronormativity also leads us to assume that only masculine men and feminine women are straight.

heterosexism – noun : behavior that grants preferential treatment to heterosexual people, reinforces the idea that heterosexuality is somehow better or more “right” than queerness, and/or makes other sexualities invisible.

heterosexual – adj. : a person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the opposite sex. Also known as straight.

homophobia – noun : an umbrella term for a range of negative attitudes (e.g., fear, anger, intolerance, resentment, erasure, or discomfort) that one may have towards members of LGBTQ community. The term can also connote a fear, disgust, or dislike of being perceived as LGBTQ. Homophobic – adj. : a word used to describe an individual who harbors some elements of this range of negative attitudes towards gay people.

• The term can be extended to bisexual and transgender people as well; however, the terms biphobia and transphobia are used to emphasize the specific biases against individuals of bisexual and transgender communities.
• May be experienced inwardly by someone who identifies as queer (internalized homophobia).

homosexual – adj. & noun : a person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the same sex/gender. This [medical] term is considered stigmatizing (particularly as a noun) due to its history as a category of mental illness, and is discouraged for common use (use gay or lesbian instead).

• Until 1973 “Homosexuality” was classified as a mental disorder in the DSM Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. This is just one of the reasons that there are such heavy negative and clinical connotations with this term.
• There was a study done prior to DADT (Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell) being revoked about peoples’ feelings towards open queer service members. When asked, “How do you feel about open gay and lesbian service members,” there was about 65% support (at the time).” When the question was changed to, “How do you feel about open homosexual service members,” the same demographic of people being asked – support drops over 20%. There are different connotations to the word homosexual than there are to gay/lesbian individuals for both straight and queer people.

intersex – adj. : term for a combination of chromosomes, gonads, hormones, internal sex organs, and genitals that differs from the two expected patterns of male or female. Formerly known as hermaphrodite (or hermaphroditic), but these terms are now outdated and derogatory.

lesbian – noun & adj. women who have the capacity to be attracted romantically, erotically, and/or emotionally to some other women.

LGBTQ; GSM; DSG – abbreviations : shorthand or umbrella terms for all folks who have a non-normative (or queer) gender or sexuality, there are many different initialisms people prefer. LGBTQ is Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender and Queer and/or Questioning (sometimes people at a + at the end in an effort to be more inclusive); GSM is Gender and Sexual Minorities; DSG is Diverse Sexualities and Genders. Other options include the initialism GLBT or LGBT and the acronym QUILTBAG (Queer [or Questioning] Undecided Intersex Lesbian Trans* Bisexual Asexual [or Allied] and Gay [or Genderqueer]).

• There is no “correct” initialism or acronym — what is preferred varies by person, region, and often evolves over time.
• The efforts to represent more and more identities led to some folks describe the ever-lengthening initialism as “Alphabet Soup,” which was part of the impetus for GSM and DSG.

lipstick lesbian – noun : Usually refers to a lesbian with a feminine gender expression. Can be used in a positive or a derogatory way. Is sometimes also used to refer to a lesbian who is assumed to be (or passes for) straight.

metrosexual – adj. : a man with a strong aesthetic sense who spends more time, energy, or money on his appearance and grooming than is considered gender normative.

MSM / WSW – abbreviations : men who have sex with men or women who have sex with women, to distinguish sexual behaviors from sexual identities: because a man is straight, it doesn’t mean he’s not having sex with men. Often used in the field of HIV/Aids education, prevention, and treatment.

Mx. / “mix” or “schwa” / – an honorific (e.g. Mr., Ms., Mrs., etc.) that is gender neutral.  It is often the option of choice for folks who do not identify within the gender binary: Mx. Smith is a great teacher.

outing – verb : involuntary or unwanted disclosure of another person’s sexual orientation, gender identity, or intersex status.

pansexual – adj. : a person who experiences sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions. Often shortened to “pan.”

passing – adj. & verb : 1 trans* people being accepted as, or able to “pass for,” a member of their self-identified gender identity (regardless of sex assigned at birth) without being identified as trans*. 2 An LGB/queer individual who is believed to be or perceived as straight.

• Passing is a controversial term because it often is focusing on the person who is observing or interacting with the individual who is “passing” and puts the power/authority in observer rather than giving agency to the individual.
• While some people are looking to “pass” or perhaps more accurately be accepted for the identity that they feel most aligns with who they are “passing” is not always a positive experience.
• Some individuals experience a sense of erasure or a feeling of being invisible to their own community when they are perceived to be part of the dominant group.

PGPs – abbreviation : preferred gender pronouns. Often used during introductions, becoming more common in educational institutions. Many suggest removing the “preferred,” because it indicates flexibility and/or the power for the speaker to decide which pronouns to use for someone else.

polyamory / polyamorous – noun, adj. refers to the practice of, desire to, or orientation towards having ethically, honest, and consensual non-monogamous relationships (i.e. relationships that may include multiple partners).  This may include open relationships, polyfidelity (which involves more than two people being in romantic and/or sexual relationships which is not open to additional partners), amongst many other set-ups.

queer – adj. : used as an umbrella term to describe individuals who don’t identify as straight. Also used to describe people who have a non-normative gender identity, or as a political affiliation. Due to its historical use as a derogatory term, it is not embraced or used by all members of the LGBTQ community. The term “queer” can often be use interchangeably with LGBTQ (e.g., “queer folks” instead of “LGBTQ folks”).

• If a person tells you they are not comfortable with you referring to them as queer, don’t. Always respect individual’s preferences when it comes to identity labels, particularly contentious ones (or ones with troubled histories) like this.
• Use the word queer only if you are comfortable explaining to others what it means, because some people feel uncomfortable with the word, it is best to know/feel comfortable explaining why you choose to use it if someone inquires.

questioning – verb, adj. an individual who or time when someone is unsure about or exploring their own sexual orientation or gender identity.

QPOC / QTPOC – abbreviation : initialisms that stand for queer people of color and queer and/or trans people of color.

romantic attraction – noun : a capacity that evokes the want to engage in romantic intimate behavior (e.g., dating, relationships, marriage), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-none, to intense). Often conflated with sexual attraction, emotional attraction, and/or spiritual attraction.

same gender loving (SGL) – adj. : sometimes used by some members of the African-American or Black community to express an non-straight sexual orientation without relying on terms and symbols of European descent.

sex assigned at birth (SAAB) – abbreviation : a phrase used to intentionally recognize a person’s assigned sex (not gender identity). Sometimes called “designated sex at birth” (DSAB) or “sex coercively assigned at birth” (SCAB), or specifically used as “assigned male at birth” (AMAB) or “assigned female at birth” (AFAB): Jenny was assigned male at birth, but identifies as a woman.

sexual attraction – noun : a capacity that evokes the want to engage in physical intimate behavior (e.g., kissing, touching, intercourse), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-none, to intense). Often conflated with romantic attraction, emotional attraction, and/or spiritual attraction.

sexual orientation – noun : the type of sexual, romantic, emotional/spiritual attraction one has the capacity to feel for some others, generally labeled based on the gender relationship between the person and the people they are attracted to. Often confused with sexual preference.

sexual preference – noun : the types of sexual intercourse, stimulation, and gratification one likes to receive and participate in. Generally when this term is used, it is being mistakenly interchanged with “sexual orientation,” creating an illusion that one has a choice (or “preference”) in who they are attracted to.

sex reassignment surgery (SRS) – noun : used by some medical professionals to refer to a group of surgical options that alter a person’s biological sex. “Gender confirmation surgery” is considered by many to be a more affirming term. In most cases, one or multiple surgeries are required to achieve legal recognition of gender variance. Some refer to different surgical procedures as “top” surgery and “bottom” surgery to discuss what type of surgery they are having without having to be more explicit.

skoliosexual – adj. : being primarily sexually, romantically and/or emotionally attracted to some genderqueer, transgender, transsexual, and/or non-binary people.

spiritual attraction – noun : a capacity that evokes the want to engage in intimate behavior based on one’s experience with, interpretation of, or belief in the supernatural (e.g., religious teachings, messages from a deity), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-none, to intense). Often conflated with sexual attraction, romantic attraction, and/or emotional attraction.

stealth – adj. : a trans person who is not “out” as trans, and is perceived by others as cisgender.

straight – adj. : a person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to people who are not their same sex/gender. A more colloquial term for the word heterosexual.

stud – noun : most commonly used to indicate a Black/African-American and/or Latina masculine lesbian/queer woman. Also known as ‘butch’ or ‘aggressive’.

third gender – noun : for a person who does not identify with either man or woman, but identifies with another gender. This gender category is used by societies that recognise three or more genders, both contemporary and historic, and is also a conceptual term meaning different things to different people who use it, as a way to move beyond the gender binary.

top surgery – noun : this term refers to surgery for the construction of a male-type chest or breast augmentation for a female-type chest.

trans* – adj. : An umbrella term covering a range of identities that transgress socially defined gender norms.  Trans with an asterisk is often used in written forms (not spoken) to indicate that you are referring to the larger group nature of the term, and specifically including non-binary identities, as well as transgender men (transmen) and transgender women (trans women).

transgender – adj. : A person who lives as a member of a gender other than that assigned at birth based on anatomical sex.

• Because sexuality labels (e.g., gay, straight, bi) are generally based on the relationship between the person’s gender and the genders they are attracted to, trans* sexuality can be defined in a couple of ways. Some people may choose to self-identify as straight, gay, bi, lesbian, or pansexual (or others, using their gender identity as a basis), or they might describe their sexuality using other-focused terms like gynesexual, androsexual, or skoliosexual (see full list for definitions for these terms.
• A trans* person can be straight, gay, bisexual, queer, or any other sexual orientation.

transition / transitioning – noun, verb this term is primarily used to refer to the process a trans* person undergoes when changing their bodily appearance either to be more congruent with the gender/sex they feel themselves to be and/or to be in harmony with their preferred gender expression.

transman; transwoman – noun : An identity label sometimes adopted by female-to-male transgender people or transsexuals to signify that they are men while still affirming their history as assigned female sex at birth. (sometimes referred to as transguy) 2 Identity label sometimes adopted by male-to-female transsexuals or transgender people to signify that they are women while still affirming their history as assigned male sex at birth.

transphobia – noun : the fear of, discrimination against, or hatred of trans* people, the trans* community, or gender ambiguity. Transphobia can be seen within the queer community, as well as in general society.  Transphobia is often manifested in violent and deadly means. While the exact numbers and percentages aren’t incredibly solid on this, it’s safe to say that trans* people are far more likely than their cisgender peers (including LGB people) to be the victims of violent crimes and murder. Transphobic – adj. : a word used to describe an individual who harbors some elements of this range of negative attitudes, thoughts, intents, towards trans* people.

transsexual – noun and adj. a person who identifies psychologically as a gender/sex other than the one to which they were assigned at birth. Transsexuals often wish to transform their bodies hormonally and surgically to match their inner sense of gender/sex.

transvestite – noun : a person who dresses as the binary opposite gender expression (“cross-dresses”) for any one of many reasons, including relaxation, fun, and sexual gratification (often called a “cross-dresser,” and should not be confused with transsexual).

two-spirit – noun : is an umbrella term traditionally used by Native American people to recognize individuals who possess qualities or fulfill roles of both genders.

ze / zir / “zee”, “zerr” or “zeer”/ – alternate pronouns that are gender neutral and preferred by some trans* people. They replace “he” and “she” and “his” and “hers” respectively. Alternatively some people who are not comfortable/do not embrace he/she use the plural pronoun “they/their” as a gender neutral singular pronoun.

“I’ve always wanted to try BDSM, but isn’t it… dangerous?”

I can’t count how many times I’ve been asked that question. Okay, I can (it’s probably like seven times). Regardless, it is something people wonder about. When you first hear about BDSM, the connotations are dark, shadowy, and even bruise-purple. It’s part of our cultural assumptions.

                -Completely Made Up

So, there’s a reason I had to make up that quote: it has literally never been said, even by accident. 

So why, when it comes to the amazing orgasm that pegging can cause, is there so often reluctance? In this guide, we work to understand and overcome hesitation and inaccuracies surrounding the act of getting pegged.

Men. High sex drive. Panting sexual animals. We know what they want. And we know when they want it – right now!

Even doctors tend to see men as sexual automatons always hardwired to want sex – but that’s not the case at all. Many, many men (about 1 in 5) have such low sexual desire they’d rather do almost anything else instead of sex.

Hypoactive Sexual Disorder

1 in 5 men don’t want to have sex? How can that be true? And why haven’t we heard about this before? Well, many women have. These are the women who often hear “not tonight, Dear.” Most people believe that this is a rare occurrence, but in fact, almost 30% of women say they have more interest in sex than their partner.

There are many reasons why your libido can suffer. Aging can play a role in a decreased sex drive as hormones start to fluctuate; however, there are still many older men who have a robust interest in sex. Like almost every other human trait, sex drive varies. Most men are in the normal range, with some being extraordinarily driven towards addiction-like behavior and others having a very low libido at the other end. These are the men that suffer from hypoactive sexual disorder (HSDD).

Hypoactive sexual disorder or inhibited sexual desire is considered a sexual dysfunction and is characterized as a lack or absence of sexual fantasies and desire for sexual activity, as judged by a treating health professional.

How Can We Help Men?

This question has a more complex answer as it depends on what is determined to cause the problematic sexual low in the first place. If there are medical reasons, it is likely best to continue working with a medical professional to have those issues treated or managed appropriately.

Therapists suggest that shame and relational dynamics may ultimately prevent men from opening up and discussing the issue/s at hand. It is recommended that better communication and supportive partners could potentially reduce the impact of low libido.

There will always be men on both sides of the standard curve, with a certain percentage considered to have hypoactive sexual disorder for a whole host of reasons. These include:

• Psychological Issues: Stress and anxiety from the strain of daily life, relationship or family problems, depression, and mental disorders are among the many factors that can affect sexual desire. If you feel that you or your partner have psychological barriers that are getting in between your intimacy, it’s essential to seek professional help from someone who is trained to help you deal with the problem. It can be a challenging experience to go through, and tackling the issue as a team can often be one of the best ways to show your partner that you care.

• Medical Problems: Diseases such as diabetes or conditions such as obesity, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and HIV drugs, some hair-loss remedies and other medications can negatively affect your libido. If you regularly take medications, it may be a good idea to speak with your treating health professional to see if they may be changing your sex drive.

• Hormonal Causes: Testosterone is the hormone of desire, in both women and men. As the primary reproductive hormone in men, it can have an enormous effect on your sexual appetites. Testosterone levels tend to decrease as men age, but can also be affected by chronic diseases, medications or other drug usages. Low levels of thyroid hormone and prolactin can also have an effect on libido – but to a much smaller extent.

• Low Dopamine Levels: Sexual desire involves the brain. The brain’s chemical messaging system is intimately linked with sexual desire. Dopamine is responsible for the regulation of 3 main areas: mood regulation, muscle movement, and motivation. It’s also one of the main chemicals involved during the euphoria of orgasm. If dopamine levels are not high enough, then you or your partner may experience a lack of motivation in the bedroom. Many factors can affect your dopamine levels – 1 of the major ones being consistent drug or alcohol abuse. Regular drug or alcohol abusers suffer from extreme dopamine lows, which cause: lethargy, a downtrodden mood or even muscle tremors during withdrawal. Please see a doctor if you have any concerns.

It’s Important to Be Open

Each cause of sexual desire has its own treatment. When the root cause is psychological, sex therapy or counseling can offer men and women-specific techniques and strategies for regaining their enjoyment of sex. It’s not psychotherapy; it’s psychological counseling focused on sexual issues. If this is what’s holding you back, there is no shame in talking with a qualified professional. They can help you work through the problems you might be facing and provide you with specific techniques to help you cope better with your situation.

In cases where the problem is low testosterone, men can take testosterone supplements if they have measurably low levels. These supplements can be taken through injections, skin patches, or gel formulations applied directly to the skin on your chest, shoulder or abdomen. Please seek medical advice before starting treatments as hormone changes can negatively affect your health in certain situations.

Men don’t always want to admit that they have less than a high and constant interest in sex as there is, unfortunately, still a sense that this could make them be perceived as less ‘manly.’ As a result, it is difficult to know how many men are coming forward.

Until there is more social acceptance of sexual desire variation in men, we may never know the actual rates of low sexual desire among men or what leads to that decrease. However, even with these limitations, it is clear that low libido in men exists and that it may be more common than most people realize.

Not all sex is created equal. There are those nights of sweet relief after six minutes of rolling around before returning to your Amazon Prime, and that’s fine. We won’t disparage what may seem like routine lovemaking because at least you’re still doing it. Sometimes a basic quickie is a perfect thing – like in the morning when her hair’s a mess and your breath is stank but you just go at it doggie style before work or the farmer’s market. And that’s nice too. But then there are those other times… The times when the sex is so good, you can’t believe it. You feel certain you must be some sort of sex god. You know those times when you’re feeling yourself, you’re laying it down like a champion, and she’s moaning sounds that come from deep within her body, and it’s the oh-my-god-yes sex, “I’ll have what she’s having” mind-blowing session that we all dream about. But those times can be rare. So rare in fact, they feel like some sort of natural phenomenon that comes on like an eclipse or a thunderstorm. If only there were ways you, the sex god, could make these epic encounters happen whenever you and your partner are ready to throw down…

Well, you are in luck. We have five amazing ways to help you have better sex. Try these tips a la carte, introducing them one at a time – or get into all of them ASAP. It’s up to you, and it’s all in the name of sexual self-improvement.

1. Masturbate: Yeah dude, we know you rub one out on the regular, but like a Zen guru or Jedi Master, you must practice your craft with intention. Think of masturbation as a practice round and not just a means to an end when you’re in the shower. By initiating a more exploratory experience of self-love, you can start to learn not just what makes you climax, but also focus on ways to slow yourself down. In addition, this slower, the more sensual style will help you get in touch with your own body, which is beyond sexy. Elevate these “training” sessions even more by adding in male sex toys like the Fleshlight Quick Shot into the mix. This easy-to-clean and compact sleeve features an incredible texture, perfect for you and your better sex pre-game. It also comes in clear, so it’s visually invigorating to see all your action. Enjoy yourself and your body, practice what speeds you up and slows you down, and lastly, masturbate simply to prolong your lovemaking with your partner. Oh, and duh – jerking off is fun!

2. Go Deep: Different positions will feel better for different individuals, but an overwhelming majority of men will admit that they like to get deep inside their partner. The thing is though- that’s not always what’s most comfortable for a woman. So how do you turn this conundrum into an opportunity for your best bone session ever? By finding out exactly how to go in deeper, harder, and longer, while making sure it feels amazing for your partner. To do this you’re going to need some lube. So many factors determine what a woman’s natural lubrication level maybe, but it’s not just arousal. A woman can be totally turned on and still reap the benefits of using lube, especially when the loving is long-lasting. We suggest the silky texture of JO’s Organic Naturalove. It feels incredible and mimics the sensation of her natural lubrication, so it’s much more comfortable for both of you. Plus, ingredients like chamomile and carrageenan are soothing and beneficial to the most sensitive regions of the body.

If you’re already on your lube game, then it is time to graduate to a sexy position enhancement product like Sportsheets’ G-Spot Link. Props like this are designed specifically to enable greater, more comfortable, G-Spot stimulation. Think of them as a bolster, by supporting one area of the body, another area benefits from greater support, range of motion or flexibility. Go deep my friends, but do it right.

3. Foreplay All Day: There is nothing sexier than a lover who makes their partner feel desired and appreciated. And as they say, “like attracts like” so if you start showing you are beloved how much they turn you on, then you can expect they will find ways to do the same. Amp up your flirty banter by gently teasing your partner, send a dirty text in the middle of the day letting them know exactly where on their body you want to lick and suck. Send a GIF showing what you’d like her to do with you. Play grab ass at the movies; bring home a little present; a french kiss on the stairwell; the list goes on and on. Foreplay doesn’t need to be regulated to an obligatory 10 minutes of over the jeans groping and a bit of oral, it can literally become an undercurrent of sexual tension in your daily life that will continue to make your sex life better and better for years to come.

4. Get that P Spot: Yes, it’s time to talk about your prostate, and it’s going to be awesome! Here’s the thing: we know there’s still a stigma around men and butt play, but this is changing rapidly, and the reason for that is that prostate stimulation provides more than just a hearty dose of pleasure. When you get a little loving on the prostate, you can receive tremendous health benefits – such as a reduced risk of prostate cancer. Not only that, but while a stimulator like Vibratex’s Black Pearl is inserted, many men experience harder erections, more intense orgasms, and increased stamina. Using something like the Black Pearl is ideal because it’s super small and offers gentle vibration. The flared base keeps it in place and easy to remove, and it’s silicone, so it feels fantastic. Not for nothing, when trying any new toy, it can be a good idea to try it alone first. However, the rules for P-play are the same for solo use or with a partner. Use a lubricated finger (seriously, use lube) to start things off, circling the anus and then pressing gently against the sphincter (like ringing a doorbell). The key is to go slowly and notice your body’s response. This can also be done with the small rounded head of your Black Pearl. When you’re ready, slide the toy in, and continue on with your favorite sexual activities until climax.

5. Try Cross Fit: Really, it can be any favorite exercise, but it’s crucial to get out there and enjoy your body and your life. Building strength and stamina will segue to the workouts you get in the bedroom, but most importantly, the confidence you build by taking care of yourself will translate to everything and everyone you do! Most women love their men whether they have 6 pack abs or not, but everyone is drawn to someone who feels happy with their own physicality. The same principle applies to eating well and personal grooming. Remember, you are the sex god, and it’s important you value yourself and your body just as you love your partner. So take a vigorous class or a walk around the block, let your mind wander to your favorite sexual fantasies and see yourself sharing them with your lover. Then drink some electrolyte water, power down some protein and get your bad-ass sexy self ready to have better sex tonight!

We tend to think of vibrators as being used exclusively by women — and always alone. Both these assumptions are incorrect: Men increasingly are discovering the erotic sensations of vibrator play. And couples are incorporating these sensations into the sex play they enjoy with each other.

Even if you’re purchasing your vibrator for couples play there’s a lot to be said for learning about your new toy - and yourself - by playing with it alone for a while. It’s not essential by any means - but you might like to be familiar with how to use it on yourself so you can better guide your partner when you get together.

So, whether you’re male or female, if you’re discovering the delights of a vibrator for the first time here’s Sportsheets’ guide to getting started with - and enjoying - your vibrator.