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Bondage for Beginners

Bondage for Beginners

Have you ever fantasized about being tied up or tying up your partner? Have you gotten erotically charged with the idea of receiving or giving a spanking? Does the whole S&M world rouse your curiosity?

If so, you’re in good company and you have nothing to worry about. “Getting your kink on, can actually be healthy, both for your body and for your relationship,” says sex educator Tristan Taormino.

“People who practice kink explore the territory between pleasure and pain, eroticize the exchange of power, experience intense physical sensations and psychological scenarios, and test and push their limits,” she says. “Kink can be a unique laboratory—a sacred space where we feel safe enough to try new things, push our boundaries, flirt with edges and conquer fears!”

The first rule of BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism) is consent — nothing should ever happen against anyone’s will.

Taormino says kinky sex play engages us on many levels—physical, psychological, and emotional. “It takes a great deal of trust (both in oneself and in one’s partner) to bend over for a spanking or to be tied down to the bed,” she says. “The hardest thing for some of us is to feel confident that what we’re doing is not just okay, but it’s good for us, especially when we’ve gotten the message that we’re only supposed to have sex in one (or a few) particular ways. And frankly, until we talk with our partners and share our ideas, it’s hard to get beyond that.”

The first step is an open conversation outside of the bedroom when you are relaxed and comfortable. Start out with an affirmation like: “I like having sex with you and being in our relationship.” Then add that you’d like to be more playful and explore fantasies. Ask your partner if they’d ever thought about something that could be viewed as kinky. Maybe it’s light bondage or a blindfolded massage.

“Don’t be upset if they won't hold off or if they have reservations,” she says. “They may need to get used to the idea, especially if they haven’t had any similar fantasies.”

Once you’ve broken the ice, talk about some ground rules. Make a list of what you’re willing to do and what you’re not. Think about sensation play, like tickling with feathers. Or do you want to experiment with handcuffs or a leather whip or flogger?

“There are no right or wrong answers as long as both of you are excited about what you want to do together,” Taormino says.

Next, decide your roles. The “top” is the doer who initiates activities and actions done to the “bottom.” Do you love the idea of blindfolding your partner or giving someone pleasure through a spanking? If so, you’re probably a top. If you’re more into receiving the discipline and pleasure, then you’re the bottom. Of course, you may want to switch the roles, too. It’s all up to you!

Before you start, pick a safe word that means it’s time to stop or back away. Red is a common word couples use. “Your safe word is your safety net,” she says. “If you don’t like something that’s happening and you want your partner to stop right away, simply say your safe word.”

Now it’s time to let your fantasies go wild. “Like every first time, don’t worry if it doesn’t go exactly the way you thought it would,” Taormino says.

Who knows where your fantasy will take you, your partner and your relationship? Have fun and enjoy the journey.






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Spice Up Your Sex Life with a Spanking Fantasy

Spice Up Your Sex Life with a Spanking

When we think about fantasy play, the image that comes to mind so often includes one part of a couple being spanked. Whether it’s a slave being punished by her master or a schoolboy bending over for his sexy teacher, the idea of spanking can be one of the most erotically charged acts.

So what makes spanking so hot?

 “For some people, it’s the anticipation of what’s about to happen – the feel of their partner’s hand moving over the curves of their bottom, tugging their clothes aside to allow the skin-on-skin contact that they crave,” says author and sex educator Tristan Taormino. “For others it’s the feeling of being controlled by their lover, bent over and exposed to both sight and touch, not knowing what’s going to happen next.”

 Spanking kicks off a flood of endorphins for both partners, she says, and can lead to new heights of intimacy and sexual pleasure. She has advice for any couple thinking about creating a spanking fantasy.  

 “First, make sure that you check in with your partner before, during and after the fun,” she says. “When we know that we can ask for what we want and say no to what we don’t want, we are able to relax and really enjoy what’s happening.”

 Taormino suggests the couple create a safe word or check-in plan so that both partners are communicating throughout the experience.

Next up: Pick your paddle. For a playful spanking, you might try the Lace Paddle, a lightweight paddle wrapped in soft fabric, or a Leather Paddle with Black Fur. Or if you’re ready to get a little more adventurous, consider the Classic Leather Slapper or the Hard Limits Crop.

Taormino counsels the spanker to start with slow light strokes to get the skin softened and the partner aroused. “Gradually increase the pressure of the paddle and vary the pace,” she says. “You might want to tell your partner to ask – or beg – for more a harder touch, a good communication tool that also reinforces the roleplaying.” The teasing and tantalizing can be half the fun.

There’s no limit to the ways you can use spanking to live out your fantasy. You might want to add in a feather spanker or faux leather flogger to give your partner a different sensation between paddles. You can also switch up your “target zone.”

“No matter what you do, remember spanking should be fun,” Taormino says. “Don’t worry if it doesn’t go exactly like the fantasy. Enjoy what comes up and follow it to a blissful end for both of you. You never know what you might learn about your partner or yourself when you open up to the playful side of sex.”

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