When we think about fantasy play, the image that comes to mind so often includes one part of a couple being spanked. Whether it’s a slave being punished by her master or a school boy bending over for his sexy teacher, the idea of spanking can be one of the most erotically charged acts.
So what makes spanking so hot?
“For some people, it’s the anticipation of what’s about to happen – the feel of their partner’s hand moving over the curves of their bottom, tugging their clothes aside to allow the skin-on-skin contact that they crave,” says author and sex educator Tristan Taormino. “For others it’s the feeling of being controlled by their lover, bent over and exposed to both sight and touch, not knowing what’s going to happen next.”
Spanking kicks off a flood of endorphins for both partners, she says, and can lead to new heights of intimacy and sexual pleasure. She has advice for any couple thinking about creating a spanking fantasy.
“First, make sure that you check in with your partner before, during and after the fun,” she says. “When we know that we can ask for what we want and say no to what we don’t want, we are able to relax and really enjoy what’s happening.”
Taormino suggests the couple create a safe word or check-in plan so that both partners are communicating throughout the experience.
Next up: Pick your paddle. For a playful spanking, you might try the Midnight Lace Paddle, a lightweight paddle wrapped in soft fabric, or a Leather Paddle with Black Fur. Or if you’re ready to get a little more adventurous, consider the Edge Classic Leather Slapper or the Edge Hard Limits Crop.
Taormino counsels the spanker to start with slow light strokes to get the skin softened and the partner aroused. “Gradually increase the pressure of the paddle and vary the pace,” she says. “You might want to tell your partner to ask – or beg – for more a harder touch, a good communication tool that also reinforces the roleplaying.” The teasing and tantalizing can be half the fun.
There’s no limit to the ways you can use spanking to live out your fantasy. You might want to add in a feather spanker or faux leather flogger to give your partner a different sensation between paddles. You can also switch up your “target zone.”
“No matter what you do, remember spanking should be fun,” Taormino says. “Don’t worry if it doesn’t go exactly like the fantasy. Enjoy what comes up and follow it to a blissful end for both of you. You never know what you might learn about your partner or yourself when you open up to the playful side of sex.”