Here’s a not-very-difficult question: you know who enjoys sex? If you answered “nearly everyone,” you’re correct. Here’s another brain-teaser: who should be allowed to enjoy sex? The answer, again, is “nearly everyone.”
But who does society pretend are the only people who enjoy sex? Well, that’s a very narrow band, and it usually falls into the “fit and healthy and young” segment of society. Pop culture, movies, music, and commercials tend to tell us that there is an ideal body type for sex, which means that every other type (i.e., most of us), are doing something not-entirely-desirable.
That, of course, is arrant and malicious nonsense. Sex is for everyone. The physical pleasure and intimacy that comes from our tightest bonds is one of the great gifts of being human, and we celebrate all body types. That includes plus size, a significant segment of our population, but one to whom sex advertising seems to avoid.
Well, we reject that. While there can be certain considerations to account for with plus-sized sex, they can be easily handled with patience, understanding, a sense of humor and adventure, and the right equipment.
All of these attributes, you might recall, are inherent to every sexual coupling (or tripling, quadrupling, etc). Plus-size sex is no different than any other kind of sex, and is every bit as joyful and wonderful.
Before we look at tips, we need to understand that there has, finally, been the beginning of a cultural shift in how we talk about sex and the plus-sized. Models like Ashley Graham and adult stars and sex spokeswomen like Kelly Shibari, as well as plus-sized sex columnists like Chrystal Bougon (aka Curvy Girl) have broken through asinine taboos that equate being bigger with taking a vow of chastity. (Incidentally, those links are great [if not entirely SFW] places to get advice, sexy outfits, and confidence boosters.)
Want proof of the it’s-about-time-but-still-welcome acceptance of plus-sized sexy times? Just peep at these headlines and see what an enormous difference a couple of years has made.
That’s right: as recently as 2015, retail experts were gobsmacked at the missed opportunities for selling plus-sized clothes, especially lingerie, as if it were somehow distasteful. But perhaps they wised up, and recognized plus-sized Americans as the sexy, voracious, horny people we are.
Before we get into this section, it is important to point out that everyone has challenges with sex. Think of your favorite sexy celebrity couple. You’ve probably imagined them doing it (I know I have!). But here’s the thing: the first time they had sex they weren’t sure what they were doing or what the other person liked or wanted. They fumbled and giggled and put the wrong thing in the wrong places.
So it happens to everyone. But there are some specific obstacles to plus-sized sex, including:
The first two influence the last three. Many plus-sized individuals find it difficult to maintain certain positions (such as kneeling or the push-up position) for extended periods of time, which can make sex difficult. And different body types handle sexual positions differently. It’s a matter of angles and of fitting in the right places.
For example, your current author has what we can call a “generous” ass, which sometimes makes doing it in the spooning position a challenge. My husband has to sort of duck around before sliding in. So that’s not a position we do very often. And that’s fine.
That doesn’t mean anything is off the table, of course. It just takes communication, a sense of fun, and some of these aids.
So what do you need to have the sexual experience you deserve? Here are a few ideas.
Sportsheets Plus-Size Doggie Strap. Doggie-style, sex from behind, is one of the most comfortable positions when both parties are plus-sized, and this strap makes it even more enjoyable by enhancing closeness while maintaining balance and helping keep up the hips of the receiver. Having back or hip pain can make it hard to maintain the doggie-style position for too long, but the strap elevates and relaxes. Not only that, but it adds another slight soupcon of dominance, as the person holding the strap can alter rhythms and elevation on his or her whim. This can also be used for standing up while a partner is against the wall, or bent over something like the bed, your desk, or the table at the restaurant (note: probably don’t do the last one). This not only helps couples maintain their position, but it helps with thrusting for men who suffer from bad backs or knees. The thrusting is now less important, since the strap allows you to pull your partner toward you, getting the same result (and even better!). This can aid with deeper penetration and more g-spot stimulation.
Sex Sling. A padded neck strap that connects to your legs, this is less bondage and more a relaxing sexual experience that allows you to maintain a legs-up missionary position without putting strain on your back or neck. Some plus-sized couples find missionary difficult, and a sling makes the romantic intimacy of face-to-face, and the teeth-sweating hotness of ankles over shoulders, possible and enjoyable and lasting.Super Sex Sling. Like above, this helps you get a “leg up,” and maybe even higher. The padded neck support helps you elevate your pubic area without undue strain. All parts of it are extra-padded for the couple who knows that their little rendezvous might be lasting all night—and tomorrow, too. You know what? You probably should just go ahead and take Monday off.
Sex in the Shower Suction Grips. Sometimes, after sex, you need to get cleaned up. And lo and behold, that shower turns out to be a great time for more sex. But getting in the right position where both people are comfortable is difficult for everybody. Sex in the shower can be challenging, but it is made much easier with suction hand grips and foot rests, which help you keep your balance and get you into position. And don’t forget to use our special shower lubes… you can tell both gravity and friction to get lost.
Plus-Sized Red Lace with Satin Strap-On. As we said above, the plus-sized lingerie market is booming… so here’s something with a twist. Or rather, I guess, a thrust. This strap-on harness is designed for adults with bigger frames, who can enjoy the pleasure that comes with a strap-on in any F/F M/F M/M combination they want. And remember, being designed for your specific comfort level doesn’t mean it isn’t fashionable, exciting, and sexy as hell.
At Sportsheets, we’ve designed our products to be sex-positive for everyone. Plus-sized, disabled, senior… heck, we’ll even allow movie stars and models, if they’re nice to us. Because sex should be for everyone, and having bad knees or a balky back shouldn’t mean your genitals should suffer.
So don’t listen to anyone who thinks that being plus-sized means you should steer away from sex. Anyone who thinks that is a bigot, pure and simple. And they’re missing out. It’s time to embrace who we are, and embrace the sexual creature living and pulsing inside everyone. It’s time to be comfortable with who we are and who we’re with, get in bed or on the floor or in the shower or anywhere, be comfortable and pain-free with the positions we’re in, and shout the gleeful, vibrant, freedom-songs of our liberated and confident plus-sized orgasms.
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Almost anyone who has experienced any degree of paralysis can tell you that friends often share questions about your disability once they feel close enough to ask. And when the braver friends have exhausted their polite questions—Do you feel any pain?—they sometimes get down to the questions they’ve wanted to ask, but propriety prevented them: Can you still have sex? Do you enjoy it?
The short answer? Yes, and yes.