There are few things more fraught than holiday gift-giving in a relationship. There is a weird push-and-pull of expectations and actuality, heightened by history, or weighted with worry about disappointment.
In fact, the only thing that people find more fraught is sex… and pretty much for the same reasons. So what happens when you combine sex and holiday gift giving?
You create something beautiful.
Sex-related gifts (for him or her) don’t combine two difficult subjects, they make the tension go away. Whether you’re celebrating your first Christmas together or your 50th, sexy stocking stuffers are a warm and welcome surprise, and can bring you closer together while opening up new worlds of enjoyment.
For Couples Celebrating Their First Holidays
Exchanging gifts for the first time can be a difficult thing. Unless you started dating right after the holidays, you won’t have a year under your belt before it comes time to shop. You know each other, but you are also just getting to really know each other.
That might make some people leery of giving a sex toy to your significant other. And to be clear, you shouldn’t give a person something sexual unless you know they feel comfortable with you, because otherwise it is a suggestive imposition.
But if you feel comfortable with each other, sexy stocking stuffers are a way to feel even more comfortable. Unless you met via bondage groups, the gifts will most likely start small. They will be playful, almost introductory. A way of saying hello. Just like you still are.
Tickler. A tickler is a great toy for a new relationship because it is naughty and teasing, on the edge of sensations that are pleasurable, and because it lets people lose control in a safe manner that isn’t always sexual. It’s a great way to be vulnerable while being goofy—and while being naked. It’s sort of the best of all worlds.
Feather Spanker. This is the tickler with an extra kick. With rooster feathers on one end and a small leather paddle on the other, this is a way to say “We could take this Christmas in a few directions.” Unlike with floggers or whips, which are austere and beautiful in their inevitability, the feather spanker has multiple paths. You can choose to go either (or both) of them together.
Blindfold. Remember running down the stairs on Christmas morning with a tree bursting with presents ready to be unwrapped? Your heart raced with excitement and anticipation because you didn’t know what was coming. Now imagine that feeling lying there with your lover, in the literal dark, not sure where the feather will tickle next, or where the delicious slap of the leather will strike, or where hunger will take their mouth. That’s taking expectation to whole new levels.
Shower Vibrator. For some reason there is insecurity about giving vibrators, as if the implication is that you aren’t needed. But there is something beautiful about that. A gift of a vibrator says “I care so much about your pleasure that I want you to be happy when you’re in the shower and the mood strikes.” For him or her, these are thoughtful gifts that, like everything else, can also be used together.
The Gift Giving
A lot of these can be put in a stocking—a vibrator can slip right in, next to the Oh Henry! bar and books and socks. In fact, a fun way to give one of these would be to wrap them up in a pair of socks. Everyone loves some nice socks, but think about how your partner would feel if they opened them and got a surprise that wasn’t for their feet.
Another variation on that theme is to wrap one of these up with a pair of PJs. That already makes the recipient think of bed, and maybe of getting all cuddly and cozy with their not-so-secret-Santa, and then a blindfold falls out, along with a tickler. You’ll have bedtime before brunch.
The Ultimate Stocking Stuffer: For Any Comfortable Couple
Some couples can be together for a few weeks and be experiencing wild kinky sex. Some long-established couples are trying new things, or are always pushing their boundaries. For all explorers, we’re happy to offer the All-in-One Stocking Stuffer.
When we say “all-in-one,” we mean it. This gift includes:
S&M Playing Cards
If you and your partner are always game for trying anything, this is the gift to get.
For Long-Term Couples
We all know what holidays can do to long-standing relationships. Arguments about whose family to see, yearly grumblings about who shops and who wraps, running around to make sure the kids are happy, going to an office party where an over-eggnogged Carl from accounting makes the same jokes about “if this doesn’t work out, call me up.” It can make the holidays a drag. But they shouldn’t be.
The holidays can still be magic and loving, but the years accumulate their dust, and it covers some of the shimmer. But these gifts brighten the dark winter days, bringing you toward each other.
Sex in the Shower Lube. This is both the name of the gift and the activity that will happen after unwrapping it. Sex in the shower is both possible (and fantastic), and water-resistant lube is the way to make it happen. This gift is an instant jolt of excitement, promising to turn the mundane and routine into the scorching and sensual.
Vibrating Mesh Sponge. Of course, in that shower you still have to get clean. But you can still be dirty doing so. This waterproof vibrator is inside a mesh sponge, so that you can soap up while getting a tingly vibration with every lather. It’s a thrill on every inch of your sudsy body.
Masquerade Party.At this point, you know each other very well. But what if you didn’t? What if your partner disappeared behind a mask, and you were silent strangers, with toys and ties, ready to experiment with each other as new lovers, meeting in the serenading Viennese night? What are the possibilities for new kinds of closeness?
Door Jam Sex Sling. Strong but comfortable harnesses make standing up sex more than possible—they make it easy and exciting without any pressure of dropping someone. The thrill of having your back against the wall while floating on top of your partner’s candy cane makes this a gift to heighten any sexual relationship.
The Gift Giving
The shower ones are actually pretty easy, if you can stand the split second of disappointment before dawning awareness warms winter-chilled loins. Put the shower lube in with normal shower supplies like shampoo or conditioner. Even nice bath gear like salts will be brushed aside when they see the bottle.
For a real twist, wrap the vibrating mesh sponge by itself. Watch your partner go from “Oh, boy, a sponge…” to “...ooOHHHH.”
The door jam sling can seem tricky, until you remember that doors are where wreaths go. If you have privacy, hide it behind one—possibly even under some mistletoe. Even that most voyeuristic of plants might have to turn away once the smooching starts.
Gift giving makes people nervous. So does sex. But neither has to. Both can be—indeed, should be—a beautiful exchange of love, imbued with meaning, with joy, with understanding, and even with questions.
The questions are: What do you like? How can I make you happy? And how can we make each other happy?
Isn’t that what the season is all about? The idea that even though the nights are long and cold, they can be warm and passionate. Becoming closer to your partner, and enjoying the intimacy of two candles melting together, is a vital part of the winter’s true warmth.
Back injuries and pain shouldn’t preclude you and your partner from an expansive, fulfilling sex life. Open communication, careful positioning, and the right toy will make sex after a back injury more possible, and open the door to even greater experimentation down the road.
There is a list of things about sex that people should never need to apologize about. You should never apologize for not living up to some airbrushed body standard. You should never apologize for the wonderfully weird things our bodies do. You should never apologize for size. And you should never, ever apologize for needing or wanting to use lube.
While able-bodied people often wonder if a wheelchair diminishes sex, those of us in a wheelchair know differently. Sex in your wheelchair can be everything and anything you might desire from sex: passionate, intimate, rough, silly, kinky, spontaneous… the list is as varied as your desires.