When someone talks about naughty or kinky sex, regardless of how kinky, we often imagine spanking. Whether it’s a schoolboy taking his punishment from a harsh teacher, or a secretary lifting her skirt and bending over her desk, or a master or mistress chastising their faithful slave, most people’s idea of kinky sex includes spanking.
So what makes a spanking so hot? For some people, it’s the anticipation of what’s about to happen—the feel of their partner’s hand moving over the curves of their bottom, tugging their clothes aside to allow the skin-on-skin contact that they crave. For others, it’s the feeling of being controlled by their lover, bent over and exposed to both sight and touch, not knowing what’s going to happen next. There’s also the way that spanking kicks off endorphins for both the person being spanked and the person who’s doing the spanking, flooding the brain with feel-good hormones that turn the volume on the evening all the way up!
Regardless of why you want to try spanking (or what you crave about it), here are a few tips that you might find helpful as you start exploring:
First, make sure that you check in with your partner before, during, and after the fun—when we know that we can ask for what we want and say no to what we don’t, we are so much more able to relax and really enjoy what’s happening (and in turn, it builds trust in our partner, and gives us even more options for future sexual exploration). Some people will use safewords—a shorthand way of describing how they feel about what’s happening, such as “green” for “keep going”, and “red” for “stop everything.” Others will check in with an “okay” every so often. There’s no wrong way to do it, as long as you are both communicating clearly.
Start slowly, making getting there half the fun! Wear something sexy and provocative—a short skirt and a thong, a jock strap under your favorite jeans, or nothing at all! Send text messages or leave sexy notes in your partner’s pockets telling them how much you’re looking forward to your sensual evening plans. Tease your partner over dinner by telling them how turned on you are to be over their knee (or vice versa). Buy a toy that you plan to use on them (link:http://sportsheets.com/product/the-motivator-crop-2/), so that you can use it to create more than just one sensation. Focus on the sensual exploration, not solely the destination. Want to make an actual impression on your partner’s butt? Try a paddle that will make a pattern on the skin, like this one (link:http://sportsheets.com/product/12-leather-heart-impression-paddle-2/).
Use light strokes to start; your goal is to get the skin a little reddened slowly, to start the process of sensitizing their skin slowly. You can even use a (faux) fur-lined paddle (link: http://sportsheets.com/product/leather-paddle-w-black-fur-side/) to soften the impact and to tease the skin with the furry side between each gentle tap. Rubbing the skin with your hand or toys can start warming your partner up. You can tell your partner to ask (or beg!) if they want a harder touch; this kind of communication means that they can start setting the pace based on how their body and mind are responding. At the same time, it also reinforces the roleplay nicely, reflecting their vulnerability and your control. Plus, if the spankee is the one who sets the pace, they stay relaxed and aroused, and YOU can learn how much teasing and tantalizing that they’ll need next time.
Change it up! Don’t keep spanking harder and faster without taking lots of little breaks; that “distraction” allows the nerve endings to recharge, and keeps your partner’s body attuned to every little change in sensation. Grab a feather tickler (link:http://sportsheets.com/product/pleasure-feather-red/ ) and trace it over their sensitive, reddened skin; the contrast in sensation is sure to have them wiggling with delight. Or very gently drag something textured over the skin (like thishttp://sportsheets.com/product/paint-brush-whip/). Slip on a pair of gloves to totally change the way that your hands feel on their skin. And remember, changing up what we’re doing gives us a chance to take a break, rest our hand, and then return to the spanking with lots of energy.
Try different ways of spanking: cup your hand slightly to make a softer impact with a louder sound, for example. Try using just your fingers instead of your whole hand. Try fast, quick slaps, followed up by a longer, firmer hit. Slapping and then pulling your hand away fast creates a stingy sensation, while using your whole hand and pressing into their skin delivers a more solid thud. A fast, sustained series of slaps can drive it right up to the edge, and then a break before moving onto a different rhythm can help their body to accept even more. And try different positions: for some of us, an over-the-knee spanking is difficult to sustain for any length of time, but laying next to our partner in bed (or sitting up against the headboard and having them lay over our legs, with their head on a pillow) can allows us to take our time in a way that’s more comfortable for our bodies.
Move your target zone! The “sweet spot” for spankings is generally along the underside of the buttocks, especially closer to the center, as the sensation works on the same nerves that connect with the genitals. Likewise, the movement of the flesh as it’s being spanked is transmitted to the whole pubic region, which means that getting wet and hard are often happy by-products of the spanking. Beyond the sweet spot, though, the whole rear end is wide open for spanking though stay away from the area just above the butt crack (there are lots of bones & nerves there). And if you get bored with the butt? Try the thighs and hips! Moving around, instead if hitting in the same small areas, can change the experience into a full body endorphin roller coaster ride, and you can finish it up with focusing on a few special areas.
No matter what you do, remember: spanking should be fun! Find the ways that it engages your partner and turns them on, and share with them what you find sexy about it. Don’t worry if it doesn’t work exactly like the fantasy; enjoy what comes up, and follow it to a blissful end for both of you. You never know what you might learn about your lover—and yourself—when you open up to the playful side of sex!
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In this blog, Vanessa from Hawaii discussed "Vanilla Bondage" for beginners.
Why would anyone want to try bondage?
Maybe you’ve wound up here by accident or maybe you’re cautiously meandering the internet to learn more about the different worlds within human sexuality. When some people are considering bondage, they might be wondering what would compel a person to be into that.
Thanks to inaccurate portrayals in media, the thought of BDSM (the “B” stands for “bondage”) sometimes conjures up images of being forced to commit unpleasant things that you don’t want to do. But those images couldn’t be further from the truth.
It’s the perfect opportunity! Your partner is in the shower and the water is already preheated. All you have to do is skim down and join them. Pull back the curtain without saying a word, and get in.
How is this not a good idea? You are, after all, saving water. You good souls, you.
How ever beautiful it looks in the movies, our cute little asses pressed up against the steamed glass don’t look so nice when we slip and hit the floor. Who wants a huge plumber bill from pulling the shower head right off the wall — it happens all of the time!